A digression...

I tried each thing, only some were immortal and free--John Ashbery

This line of poetry had new meaning to me last night as I was wandering around Killarney. I had stayed up late to go to one of the local pubs because all the guidebooks and tour guides and just about everyone I met said you had to go to this pub, get a Guinness and listen to the live music. So I thought I'd try something new, something I normally never do.

I got there when the music was supposed to start, but there was no music to be found, just a few locals around the bar and the AC Milan/Real Madrid game on. I sat awkwardly on a stool looking around and within a few minutes, all the women cleared out. Odd. I tried to concentrate on the game (sadly, dreamy Ronaldo was not getting much airtime), but could not shake the feeling that this was not what I wanted to be doing on a Wednesday night.

After sitting around for 40 minutes with just me, a few tourists and two or three locals smoking outside, it hit me. I didn't have to be here. No one was making me. If I left, no one would be disappointed or upset that they had to go with me. This was my vacation and it was perfectly fine if I was not the sit in a pub kind of gal...which I'm not. I wouldn't offend anyone and I'd be opening a stool to someone who actually wanted to be there.

As I walked out into the night air, it was a freeing feeling yet slightly sad at the same time. Here I was, 27 years-old and still trying to please people (invisible people!).

I thought through what do I want to do tonight? And the thought came to me, well, something boring. But at that point, I didn't care! I am a bit boring at times and adventurous at others and all I really wanted was something sweet to eat and go back to my B&B and read a book. Unfortunately, since I had spent so much time sitting around watching the Milan/Real Madrid game, nothing was open anymore. I walked around town for a good 20 minutes until I realized I should just walk back. I passed the pub where I had started and sure enough the music was going...but...it really wasn't all that good. Can one say that of traditional Irish music in a real Irish pub? I guess so. Just because it was live and authentic didn't necessarily mean it was good.

This buoyed me a bit as I would have felt really awkward walking out of a music session that was awful. I was glad I left when I did. I stopped in the local convenience store, picked up a candy bar and some digestive biscuits, went back to my B&B and read my book.

And you know what? I enjoyed myself. I really, really enjoyed myself.